Up bright and early Wednesday morning (well one of us anyway) and head down to the port at Jeju to get the ferry for Wando with the behemoth, sorry 'car'. Not having bought tickets in advance doesn't seem to be a problem, all that's required of us is the usual round of form filling and inexplicably necessary argument. Apparently we pay for the passenger tickets at the Jeju end and for the car when we arrive at Wando. No idea why but it's entertaining.
Much to K's annoyance the ferry company won't take credit cards, so she threatens to report them to the tax office. I'm not sure if this is a lesser or greater punishment than her usual "I'm going to come back and kill one of you" but eventually we have tickets in our hands and are allowed on board.
The ferry trip itself is very pleasant, a little over 4 hours, sunny and calm all the way. We pass various islands, some inhabited some no more than rocks & trees in the middle of nowhere. K sleeps for most of the trip while I keep my eyes peeled for schools of whales / dolphins / porpoises / insert-cute-aquatic-animal-of-choice-here. Sad triumph of hope over experience that one.
The only slight downside to the crossing is the ever-present and inescapable smell of Nong-shim noodle cups (pot noodles to the Brits) consumed by the Korean contingent. One of these is enough to stink out a moderately sized kitchen (e.g mine) for a day or two, not that they aren't tasty or enjoyed regularly by the author. However a conservative estimate would put the number stirred, slurped, spooned, forked or otherwise dispatched at about two hundred, mostly within the first half hour of the journey - i.e. breakfast for most people. Suffice to say it's not an attractive sight/smell combination at 08:15am.
On arrival, Wando turns out to be a cross between a demolition derby and several football pitch sized flea markets. It also stinks, which is unusual. Jeju is tacky in... oh so very many ways, but it's pretty easy on the nose compared to a lot of places you could end up in.
Neither of us are hungry yet so we head for a beach resort which we saw from the ferry on the nearby islet of Shinchido accessible via a long bridge from the east side of Wando. This is my first experience of driving on the mainland and yes, it certainly is an experience. One I shall cherish. Assuming I live long enough to do so. More about Korean drivers another time if you're unlucky. The beach turns out to be sandy, enormous and deserted but sadly we don't have any swimming togs or indeed the inclination to swim. Could be a seriously nice place to chill though if you want the beach experience.
After a decent lunch, a beef & mushroom cook-at-the-table job delicious as always, it's off to the Korean equivalent of Land's End at the south end of Songhori beach. This boasts a monorail climbing from sea level to an observation tower at the top of the cliffs. Some quite stunning views both inland and offshore and a great selection of butterflies and other insects flying in and out of the forest around the base of the tower.

K thinks she knows where there is a nice sauna so we begin a hopelessly doomed attempt to relate what it says on her map to the roadsigns and even more entertainingly, to the actual roads. Space around here seems to be curved by a lot more than just gravity, although this may be explained by the fact that the 'map' is in fact a freebie given out by a bank on Jeju as advertising. So not exactly Ordinance Survey then.
After some disagreement, and even more consultation with pre-prandial and post-drinking session Koreans by the roadside, we end up at what is known hereabouts as a 'Love Motel'. These are extremely cheap motels at popular resorts where client anonymity is pretty much guaranteed, for example the receptionist sits behind a frosted glass panel with a small hole low down through which the money is exchanged.
A sign by the lift warns you that if the lift is in motion, chances are that there are people in it, so if you want to avoid eye contact you should make yourself scarce behind the screen located conveniently on the other side of the lobby. Given the number of doors into the lobby and the number of large pot plants offering sanctuary this has enormous comic potential. A better writer would no doubt concoct a far more entertaining story but it did give me the giggles for the whole time we were there.
What was less funny, well I suppose really just an opportunity missed, was the laminated 'sex education' handout located prominently in each room. This is printed only in Korean but K translated a section speaking about flowers and spring and the rising of certain natural urges, couched in such obscure language it ceases even to be euphemism and becomes some kind of mystic surreal poetry. The only reason you know what it's intended as is the URL at the bottom - http://www.sexeducation.co.kr/.
The paragraph beginning 'in these days of womens' liberation...' (or something similar) just gave me the shakes. Maybe I've lost something - but given the regular use of such establishments for the early fumblings of teenagers and the probably less confused but no less eager activities of their parents, I would have thought it an absolutely perfect opportunity to communicate some basic stuff about health, hygiene and the avoidance of teenage pregnancy. Possibly even the distribution of some free hardware.
Good grief I'm a patronising jerk sometimes.
K suggests I steal the sheet from my room and translate it myself if I'm so fascinated, but somehow the thought of working on it in the coffee shops back on Jeju (where I do most of my written homework, just to entertain the locals) doesn't appeal and I decide to shut up.
By now it's about 10pm and most of the restaurants have closed early for Chu-seok so we have quite a time locating some chow, eventually annoying the owner of the local tofu house by asking that they serve us some food since they still appear to be open for business. As always, the hospitality unfolds and the food turns out to be great and K works through most of a bottle of Soju before singing us back to the hotel along a lane bordered by the ubiquitous pink Cosmos and accompanied by a loud chorus of frogs from the ditches on either side.

All collapse exhausted.